And for the nighty night fans in the house
DAVE
DAVE
ROCKIN WITH YOU
DAVE
Lois and Anna, back with a vengeance. We are much like David Hasslehoff. We are ready, in fact, to hassle the hoff.
Lil piece of joy there for ya.
P.s. An ANGERED message from the lois - "Stop trying to sell things on eBay by putting 'emo' at the end, you shits. The
only exception is if you are selling an arm you have bitten of in a spasm of emo-ness"
She's currently browsing the auction world making remarks like "Oooh, extra small" and "That's not technically
tweed"...
Good times had by all.
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10/10/04 - The Mullet: Party at the back, Business at the front.
Touchdown.
THE MONTH OF SEPTEMBER
26/09/04 - I must say I was mildly surprised to receive an email from a loyal contributor today saying they were 'disappointed
with the lack of sexual elements in the past few updates - there has been no mention of puce strap ons'.
My sincere apologies. I didn't expect this accusation at all, especially after Mr Ric sent
me a text message simply reading 'pervert' after my description of The Kidnapping Pete Doherty Plan. Just because he's in
denial.
Anyway, if it helps, Lois also sent me a tasteful and classy message on the subject of her advances t'other
day - "Oh you know its 'coming' "
LOLO - YOU SICKEN ME.
Long live the puce.
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24/09/04 - BabybabybabyBABYSHAMBLES!
So picture, if you will, The Scene: Myself and three of the most quality Arcadian associates that ever there were
- Miss Neville, The Homer and Hannaaah. And of course Mr Pete Doherty. Cue amazing times had by all. Too beautiful for words.
Needless to say i have not slept. Or eaten. But i have got many bruises.
The hilarious support acts -
the loverly junkbox (guitarist uncannily like willy wonka) who we talked to afterwards and discussed the likelihood of
pete having magical powers. Darren - you said there were ways and means. If you read this it means you are meant to take us
to pete, we don't care if he's a vampire.
Towers of london - Exciting hair but why the crotchless jeans? WHY? Somebody think of the children!
Andy - Oh andy. Is wonderful. Oh andy is wonderful. We love andy, yes we do. And we love ANDY'S HAT. We signed his book
so he really should be reading this. I salute you sir.
And then
PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETE.
toogoodtoogoodtoogoodtoogood.
can that man dance whilst flipping a hat onto his perfect head with his FEET?
Oh I think so!
his quote of the night-
"We'll go to altrincham... stockport... ARCADIA!"
Just as I have always believed.
We met Gemma The Drummer afterwards, who was more lovely that a really really lovely thing, helping us fight the
power and so forth.
And then someone in a nice tweed hat from 'the social'. They are so good they will change your face. Apparently. If you
like 'the social', you should listen to 'the social'.
Huzaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.
There's few more distressing sights than that of an englishman in a baseball cap.
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16/08/04 - I like
this picture very much. I'm not entirely sure why.
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It is just like I have always said: "If you're going to do something, you might as well do it in a batman costume"
I salute you sir.
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11/08/04 - Fact of the day: Penguins can jump as high as 6 feet
in the air.
If that's not evidence they are evil, well I don't know what is.
A tale of fear and also of woe
Today I encountered a very young, small blond girl in a pram with the voice of an old, old man from Bolton. It was terrifying.
<THE END>
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05/08/04 - The return of my brother has caused an almost horrific fusing of bizarre musical tastes, meaning that our
house has turned into a large stereo playing:
The Libertines
Kate Bush
Velvet Underground
Dizzee Rascal
Stina Nordenstam
I would like to invite them all to a dinner party.
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04/08/04 - Apologies to the many fans (Becky and er... Becky) who have been wasting away without any penguin based entertainment
recently. I have been otherwise engaged, in a Norfolk based cottage (in which the video shelf consisted of: 'The Magic Roundabout',
'Look at that tractor (and other farm machinery)', 'A day at the zoo with Phillip Schofield' and 'Elmo saves Christmas' ...
except I refused to watch the latter because I maintain that Elmo has the cold dead eyes of a killer) and at the glorious
festival of Leeds (libertines libertines libertines libertines libertines). And of course that jammy bugger Lois fails once
again to make the step of going online. You win this time, Emogirl.
To keep you going, here's a
nice game from the penguin-based archives of Ric and Joe.
There will be updating/badges soon. If Lois gets her act together. But distractions will no doubt continue because in
19 days I will be seeing the beast that is Pete Doherty. Huzaaaaaaah.
THE MONTH OF AUGUST
06/08/04 - This just in:
PENGUIN DESTROYS BOY'S SOUL
Tim, who did not wish to be named, told me of his horrifying ordeal -
"i havent got a soul a phsyco penguin
stole mine at london zoo... it kinda pointed the fish at me and the fish went mad and jumped onto my face
and sucked it out with its huge sucking lips then it flooped on the floor and the penguin ate it and laughed cruelly and beat
me with a stick and then ran off laughing cruelly"
When will someone think of the children? When will the children learn to talk in shorter sentences? May god have mercy
on us all.
Back to you in the studio.
THE MONTH OF JULY
18/07/04 - This hasn't been updated for a while. To summarise what has happened, I: Went to Belgium, avec school chums.
Visited war graves. Read poetry. Cried alot about things I couldn't have imagined crying about. Ate chocolate. Got locked
out of my room. Locked other people out of their rooms. Found a huge vending machine. Consumed Mysterious Cider and Mikado
biscuits. Watched Belgian porn. Found a house made of moss. Tried to tip some cows. Went to France. Asked people to rub my
belly. Danced with a llama. Went to an Irish Pub which didn't stint on the Jack Daniels. Talked to Dutch hitchikers long
into the night. Visited cathedrals. Ate cheese. Ordered 11 plates of chips. Ran to a discotheque. Went back to the Irish Pub.
Got pictures with our drunken tour guide and his ladyfriends. Watched horse riding. Sang along to various Oasis tracks. Returned
to youth hostel very late and tried to drunkenly bluff our way out of it. Played 'Labyrinth'. Contemplated buying A Metre
of Vodka. Took a ten hour coach ride back to England. Shouted at people for enjoying 'Sleepless in Seattle'. Listened to the
Mcfly album without a hint of shame. Got home and slept for days.
Good times.
-Anna
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07/07/04 - All of today can be summed up in 3 quotes:
"I got home last night and they had replaced the toilet with a bucket" - Pieface
"No, I don't find her sexually attractive, but most likely that is because I am not lesbionic in nature" - Anna
"I'm going to ram this ginger biscuit in your mouth, you shit" - Lois
Happy days.
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05/07/04 - Projecty goodness afoot. Exciting Things. More to follow.
Also,
here is a homoerotic/disturbingly attractive picture of the libertines!
COME BACK PETE! WE LOVE YOU SO!
-Anna
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04/07/04 - Another mildly insulting message I'm afraid. To the more moronic of you out there who have been questioning
the grey sweatsuit-related propoganda I have been wearing/distributing, go
HERE to read about it in the words of the angry young mastermind behind it all. Lovely Stuff. Also, a public thanks to Lois for donating
to me her phone/brick, which I have now mummified in scotch tape. Hoorah.
- Anna
THE MONTH OF JUNE
28/06/04 - Remember classic Saturday night viewing material Gladiators? Overexcitable adults in Lycra pushing each other over with novelty sized cotton buds? Yeah. Those were the days. Did you know that the theme tune was remixed in 1998? No, you didn't. And that's why you need us, scum.
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26/06/04 - An address to the almost offensive number of people we have encountered who seem to believe
puce is a shade of green.
Puce - n. A deep red to dark grayish purple.
Put that in your pipe and smoke it. Ingrates.
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24/06/04 - Oh my. First things first. A hearty 'hello there!' to the Nice Young Men currently living
in the glass box in Piccadilly Gardens. Sorry for waking you up this morning. I believe it was a most wise venture to give
you our website address, as you appear to be both Nice and Young. And if you're living in a glass box you must have some kind
of appreciation for the strange.
On a less box-related note, here is a rather lovely review of Harry Potter - this girl picks up on the homoerotic bits even I didn't notice.
Also, we are making penguin t-shirts. They are funny (to us). More to follow. Pip pip.
-Anna
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17/06/04 - Continuing on the slightly bitter theme of The Blondest Moments Of All Time, I give you this
extract from the continuing adventures of Little Anna, who is blonde, both literally and mentally.
You have to understand that this was at the height of a serious argument, which only made it more amusing.
Little Danny: (shouts) You blonde bimbo!
Little Anna: (angrily shouts back): I'M NOT BLONDE!
Oh, how we laughed.
-Anna
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16/06/04 - So this is what it has come to. Even my 'friends' think I'm crazy.
Little Anna: Who are you going to Leeds with?
Me: Stu, Lois..
Little Anna: Who is Lois?
Me: Co-founder of The Big Penguin Project
Little
Anna: Oh, Lois is a real person then?
Me: Yes...
Little Anna: I thought it was just like a phrase or something?
Me:
A phrase?
Little Anna: Or you know, one of those wierd things you do.
Me: What? You thought i was making a website with an imaginary
person? Or possibly my alter ego?
Little Anna: Well, yes. You're wierd. Remember last night when you tried to say cut
by saying cute without the e?
Me: That was the name of a Taking Back Sunday song.
Little Anna: Sure it was..
Me: Shit you!
I stand by my last comment.
- Anna
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13/06/04 - So I should be revising. But instead, here's an extensive list of the reasons why I like
flip flops.
